Recently I’ve been in deep contemplation. My thoughts and concerns are about the big picture. I admit that I do want success in the realms of career and for so long that has been my focus. All of my energy would go to worry and frustration of what my contribution was. Lately I’ve moved beyond that and realized I’m more than that. I don’t want to waste my lifetime trying to create a life just to prove to myself I’m worthy to have it. Lately it’s all seemed pointless. You know the bullshit story we all tell ourselves. It goes like this “I want to be of contribution. I want to make a difference”. If I’m honest with myself I would say “I want to feel significant” and that’s completely okay. I want to feel my life meant something. At the end of my life, I feel what will really matter is not whether or not I felt significant; although, I’m not giving up on that basic human need. In the end I feel what will matter the most is how much healing happened. I do believe life is an endless journey of learning and growing, but mostly healing.
Over the past few years I have started to notice the patterns and themes in my life. Patterns in relationships that I keep repeating no matter who I’m with. Themes of failure and success. Experiences that I create to support the stories and beliefs I agreed to long ago. This recognition has ignited the desire to grow beyond these stories and break through. Its been a process to uncover these patterns and develop the steps to break these themes and patterns. It’s a work in progress, but it’s the work that lasts a lifetime.
It wasn’t until recently that I decided this was my ultimate life purpose. I believe this is every ones life purpose. What is it? To heal spiritually from these themes that have been on repeat since we were children. I believe we live multiple lifetimes and to grow and progress as spirit beings we must break through these patterns. I believe that at the age of 37 I have finally done just that, well I at least took a step in the right direction. I did one thing that I believe could change my life forever. This one thing, I feel, will lead to experiencing relationships on a higher level. To becoming the mother and partner I always knew I could be. They say change doesn’t happen over night and I believe it can, but there’s a catch. You have to keep doing it.
This one thing that I believe changed my life is, I jumped. I closed my eyes and jumped. This is what it feels like when you decide to stop making the same choice that keeps creating the same undesirable results. It feels foreign and unnatural. It can be scary and takes courage. You have to just trust this new choice will lead you to what you really want. It goes against everything inside of you. You can feel your insides churning and screaming “nooooooooooooo, this is not what we do! Do what we’ve always done. This doesn’t make sense! This is different. STOP!!” In that moment you can decide enough is enough and do what you’ve NEVER done to create what you’ve NEVER had. All you have to do is make a new choice. You just have to trust your intuition. It’s screaming at you to make this new choice. This is it! This is where your life can change in an instant. Your ego will fight you. Ignore it. It will feel like your jumping off a cliff blind folded. JUST DO IT! Soon after this leap of faith you’ll feel it.
You’ll feel your spirit is popping champagne and exclaiming “finally! You did it!!!!!” It feels like you were about to step in front of a train and someone yanked you back. You finally did it! Your whole life had been building up to this moment. This is why you’re here. This is the purpose of your life. To learn your theme and break the pattern. This is one of the ways to break the pattern. The pattern that leads to rejection, failure, poverty, mistrust, anger, abandonment, etc. The first time is the hardest and every time after that it gets easier and easier. It’s like a drug. Once you make that new choice and feel the elation coming from your soul, you want to start doing this in other areas of your life. It’s the fire you’ve been waiting to ignite. I will never stop dreaming and setting goals, but I now feel I am actually making progress. Progress for not just my life path but my spiritual path.
What are your themes and patterns in life. What are your chronic thoughts and worries? What is a knee jerk reaction that leads to the same repetitive upset in your life? What story and meaning do you attach to things. Begin by noticing any and every theme and pattern. This can be repetitive thoughts, experiences, relationship dynamics, problems etc. Do you have the same problem with co-workers no matter the environment? Are you experiencing the same relationship problems with a different partner? Do you have the same money problems year after year no matter the success you create? How did you see the world as a child and how is it the same as today? This is the beginning. This is step one. You don’t have to know the specific pattern or theme right now or know how and why you created it. Just Begin to wonder and look at the big picture. Begin with contemplation.
This is the first article of a 5 part series.
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